Zachary is a wonderful, handsome, loving 6 year old little boy, he loves sports, and God and his family, that IS my son.
Zachary has 3 siblings...
Sean who is 19 and his half brother, he is not very involved in Zacks life, but zack loves him and wants to be like him.
In our home, there is Alyssa, she is 7.5 yrs old...she is going into 2nd grade, she is sweet and loving at times, and also a huge instigator and trigger for Zachary. Isaiah is 3, and he is small and darling and is now following the lead of Zack...he watches and follows...but its just copying...he is "okay"
Zack..my precious son, is not okay...he has always been a little off, clingy, anxious, high strung and easily angered.
nearly six months ago my husband died, Zack believes alcohol killed him, and in a way it did, my husband was a chronic alcoholic, physically and verbally abusive to me, and although he was very loving to Alyssa and Isaiah, he just never seemed to treat Zack the same.
My Husband 6 months ago killed himself...clearly he was very ill...depressed, anxious, angry, and drunk.
Zacks behaviors have reached monumental proportions, he is very unhappy, hes scared all the time, the word no sends him into rages and by rages I mean where he seems to have the strength of ten men, he throws things, kicks, hits, bites anything and anyone in his way mainly me and alyssa, alyssa because she will say or do something to provoke him, full well knowing he will lose it, and me because I have to intervene and pry him off of her, or because ...well just because Im here, and I suppose according to his Therapist, Im his safe person...
His behavior is becomeing more and more out of control, I am afraid to take him to public places, Im afraid to tell him no, Im just really afraid...but mostly I feel so aweful for my son, he knows something is wrong with him and "just wants to be good", this is not a case of my son just being a spoiled child, this a sickness that he is unable to control, he wants to, but he cant.
I have started this blog, to try and document and recieve advice from others going through similar thing...
oh yeah...after 5 months in therapy is doctor has come to the conclusion this is not a behavioral issues, he in fact has a mood disorder. In the comeing weeks he is to be evaluated over the course of 8 weeks by another doctor to determine the best course of action...what they want to do is put him on medication, at first I was very oppossed to that, but seeing how much pain my son is in, I am willing to try...
when I spoke to Zack about the evaluation...and possiable medication, I didnt get the reaction I thought I would,instead of anger...he was relieved, his words..."will this help me be good??"
I need to do EVERYTHING in my power to save my son, I need Zachary back, he needs himself back ...I need to save Zack, and that is what i will do!!
Love,
Zacks mom
2 comments:
Wow, you guys have been through a lot! My son's bio-dad is an active alcoholic/drug addict (or at least he was when we last heard from him many years ago). My son and I went through a lot with him even though we weren't married for long. I wish you all the best with your Zack.
Dear Zacks Mom,
My son L has a mood disorder and has experienced very similar episodes to what you describe Zack is dealing with. And coincidently, he has a little brother named Isaiah too, who has been on the receiving end of his rage more times than I care to remember. When L was younger (he is 11 now) we would tell him it was his brain, not him, and we knew that.
L has been able to have a successful, close to normal life because of the medicine he takes for his mood disorder. I know it it is scary to think about having such a little guy take medicine, but it will help him and your family find peace.
I'm sorry for the loss of your husband.
I will be thinking of you and your family.
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