school starts in 2 days, last night I tried to do a trial run of "school bed time routine" ...EPIC FAIL!!!
by 7:30 everyone had had thier baths so we sat down to read...Zack didnt want to sit, okay I said you may go upstairs, he left to play a video game, because I dont want them playing them without me knowing I dissconnect them, he must have not been able to figure out how to reconnect the wires, he flew down the stairs and ran over before I could just up and socked his little brother in the gut, Isaiah is not only just 3 but small, no meat, a boney tiny child, I grabbed Isaiah and swooped him up, checking him to make sure he was okay, comforting some then handing him off to alyssa so I could try to stop Zack from throwing everything around the room,I really cant understand how he goes from 0-10 in all about 4 seconds ...but he does...its now 8:30...he seemed to have calmed down, Isaiah was okay, so we trie dto finish th elast leg of the bed time routine, read a little from the Bible,I picked the Psalms, one about giving our fears to God, I read some...about 20 min or so, then I said it was time for bed ( it was already later then I wanted ) again he became angry ( not enraged this time just angry) screaming that I hated him...he ran upstairs, I brought the other 2 upstairs to find Zack furiously brushing his teeth, over and over and over again...10 minutes we waited, finally I told him that it was enough, and he needed to go to bed...he flung himself onto the floor, screaming he would never be able to sleep, he would be awake all night...etc. I brought Alyssa into her room, prayed with her, she said the screaming was scaring her..."Its just getting his anger out, he wont come in here, you know that..." around 10 she fell asleep...Isaiah around 10:30, and zack well from 10:30 to 1 am he dragged me from room to room, I need water...I m hungry, I cant sleep, please I need something to help me sleep...Im scared...you hate me, if you loved me you would just sit here with me, come downstrairs...from 12-1 I let him lay in my bed...finally he drifted off, he woke a few times but for the most part he slept, hes still sleeping now, and I know I need to wake him because school starts in 2 days, Im not sure how he is going to manage, if he cant sleep, how will he get up, how will he make it through school??
Tomorrow we see his Therapist...I hope she has some news on the evaluation and any ideas on how to help him sleep and some...I dont intervention ideas durning raging moments...
This is just really wearing me down, I have my own mental health issuses, Im trying super hard to do everything the "experts" tell me but ..it just seems to get worse...
and really we are all just exhausted...ALL of us.
Love,
Zacks mom
2 comments:
Have you asked your doctor about using Melatonin? You can buy it over the counter. Our doctors advised us to use it for the nights my son had trouble falling to sleep. You may want to ask their thoughts on it. If he doesn't get a good night sleep, he won't be able to do well in school, then he'll have a rage then follow that with hating himself. It's a vicious cycle, I feel for the little guy and mom who has to get him through it.
*hugs*
I didn't realize all you were going through. I feel so bad for your Zack - and your whole family. That is just another rough-terrible thing to endure. I can't give advice - I'm not a mom, for one - but I can give you some very warm virtual-hugs. I definately think you're doing all the right things, seeking help when you know you can't do it alone. :-S And as one who became that "Zack" in the family, when I was sick, I know that my sister and brother felt completely neglected because all the energy and attention was given to me and my problems. I'm sure you don't ignore your other kids (actually, it seems you handle things wonderfully!) but make sure they have plenty of special-time too.
Can I ask if the anger-tantrums started after your husband died or before? Or only picked up in frequency-intensity? Obviously you know what happened with my mom - since she died, my brother has become like your Zack. In the manner and strength of a 23 year old. Tantrums and screaming and throwing things and punching walls and exploding over the littlest thing. It is HORRIBLE. Funny, my brother is a lot like your Z: was treated differently by our mom, more physically-emotionally abused than the rest of us, a really complicated relationship with her. He's never really known how to handle his emotions, and with all of the Very Complicated Emotions around Mom dying, he has just kind of Exploded. :/ Anyway... mucho hugs again, sweet.
Thinking of you.
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