sigh

Hes raging again, hitting me...very hard this morning to the point I had to restrain him because even after trying to just leave him and let him "work it out" he pursued me...Im so disheartened, its been coming for a while now, the Invega dose nothing for him, his anxiety and moods are all over the place...im sacred to leave him in the same room as his younger brother alone again...i might take him off of everything except the clonidine for a month or so and see where that leaves his baseline...his doctor wants him on Lithium and I just wont have it, first of all i have enough trouble getting a flu shot for him let alone blood draws to check his levels...and i just dont want it...I would rather have him be acting out on no meds then acting out on meds...this whole thing isnt fair but if we cant find a med that works whats the point of having him on meds that... f doesnt fustrated even begin to state how i feel.